April Fools' Day has long been my favorite holiday. No gifts to buy and an opportunity to see how outlandish of a tale I can come up with and still have gullible people believe it. During the time I taught high school, I was always especially excited when April 1st fell on school day. (Although I felt a little sorry for my students, who would get a history lesson only loosely based on actual events, that in each hour’s class would get more and more outlandish until one brave student would loudly proclaim, “He’s kidding us.” Or words to that effect.).
This year I have nothing to offer as an April Fools' Day yarn that could possibly compete with the outlandish reality of the past month of my life, which has been surrealistically wonderful and amazing.
On March 1st, I got a phone call from Simon Fuller (the manager of the Spice Girls) offering me a spot in the group for their upcoming reunion album and tour. I was extremely excited to have an opportunity to join one of my favorite bands of all time. They wanted me to sing only in falsetto and dress in drag for performances and photo shoots and I was okay with that. Then I found out my “Spice Girl” name was going to be “Old Spice”. That was a deal breaker for me. And me not using that name was a deal breaker for them. So, I reluctantly turned them down.
Three days later I got a phone call from Jeff Rosen (Bob Dylan’s manager). It turns out Bob really loves the double CD I did of some of his early songs (“Alias: Zimmerman”). Jeff Lynne and Bob are in the process of reforming the “Traveling Wilburys”. They have recruited Bruce Springsteen to take Tom Petty’s place and Paul McCartney to take George Harrison’s place. They want me to take Roy Obison’s place. Of course, I said “yes”. I got to pick my own “Wilbury” name – I will be “Beauregard Willbury”.
Joining the Traveling Wilburys is not as exciting as it would have been to join the Spice Girls, but I was (and am) still excited.
The second week of March, Mary and I moved to an apartment on the Jersey Shore (Bruce has the best rehearsal space for us to use as we write songs and prepare to record and tour). We have really enjoyed living on the east coast and have made several trips into New York City (which has long been a frequent vacation destination for Mary and me).
Last Monday, as Mary and I picked up a few items at a ShopRite supermarket in Neptune, New Jersey, Mary saw the payout for Mega Millions lottery and said (jokingly) that I should buy a ticket. I was feeling lucky (as one does toward the end of a month like this) and (jokingly andI impulsively) bought the first lottery ticket I have ever purchased. On Tuesday, March 26th, I won the lottery. My estimated winnings are $1.13 billion (annuitized).
James Carey (the Executive Director of the New Jersey Lottery) advised me to get in touch with an attorney and only tell close loved ones that I had won. But that is mostly to avoid being harassed by lots of people who want some of the money, and I have already spent the money.
Several weeks ago, Eric Trump told me about Truth Social going public and convinced me to commit to buying some stock during the initial public offering. With my lottery winnings I was able to buy much more stock than planned in the IPO last week. I now have a 20% share and a seat on the Board of Directors.
Mary and I first met Eric and Lara Trump when we were seated at the table next to them at Caroline's Comedy Club in NYC in 2019. I was shocked and delighted to learn that they are both nothing like their public personas. They are extremely intelligent and share a wicked sense of humor. Eric has been doing the “my father” bit since he was a teenager and has never broken character. Getting Lara appointed as the new co-chair of the RNC is part of an elaborate plan they have concocted to destroy the Republican Party from within. I’ve known a lot of people who like to joke around. I’ve never known anyone who does so with such serious (and noble) intentions.
Despite my sudden wealth, I am still going full speed ahead with the Traveling Wilburys project. We will be in the studio recording in May. The album will be released in late July (just before my birthday). We have been invited to open for Taylor Swift on the final leg of her Eras Tour (this August in Europe) which will hopefully lead to the most exciting development of all – a chance for me to meet, hang out with, and get to know, Travis Kelce (and, hopefully, Patrick Mahomes). Go Chiefs!
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Happy April Fools' Day one and all.